We fart turds through windows and record our own asses through drinking straws. But seriously, we mostly write music which you should download in the audio section. We also make a few videos and programs here and there but it’s nothing compared to our music. In Tales of Ass Kickery you’ll also find rants I wrote about various bullshit which are interesting to say the least.

Finally I wrote a new song after months of inactivity. Also did a cover of Boss B from Star Fox 64 so there would be a half ass decent orchestrated version of it out there like I wanted for a while.

Crystaline so Fat – Candy World Adventure OST
Star Fox 64: Boss B – Song Covers

So I decided to add a download for episodes 1-3 of Dare to Dream since there’s no more buy pages for it anymore and it is next to impossible to find these days. This is for all you sorry chumps like me who only got to play the demo and then were left wondering WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING TO HAPPEN for almost ten years.

Dare to Dream: Episodes 1-3 – Programs

So I wrote a nice little DSM for ePsychiatrists around the world so they finally have a diagnostic manual to help them in diagnosing the internet. I’m going to be updating the MIDI Encyclopedia one of these days when I stop procrastinating.

The ePsychiatry DSM – Tales of Ass Kickery

So it’s Christmas or Xmas or mas or whatever you want to call it to be politically correct. I say to hell with political correctness. So me and some people came up with a Tales of Ass Kickery article that is Christmas themed for you all.

Santa is Fucked Up – Tales of Ass Kickery

We are no longer doing live shows after the Serenitatis Impact Crater show on the Moon. The Core of the Earth and The River Styx live shows made us enough money to retire on (due to the ridiculous price of the tickets we charged and claimed most of it was for insurance purposes but kept it to ourselves) but we continue to make music because we like to make people suffer. Keep checking our website and MySpace page for new material you sadomasochists. Sorry, we are not accepting refunds for the Serenitatis Impact Crater tickets after you just found out we ripped you off.

So I finally got off my fat lazy ass and did the images page. It’s kinda broken right now and I’m going to fix it a bit later with image descriptions and such because right now I’m going to eat and watch The Shining. I guess now you can see what we look like and see the stupid shit we’ve made in images although you could of also done this on our MySpace page if you would of been smart and checked it.

So Tyson went apeshit and blocked me forever. Youtube must of implanted a nanomite into his brain to influence his actions in their conquest to suspend me from life. Go here if you want to read about how retarded it was and how the things he said were fucking stupid as well as other ways he’s a retarded loser.

Tyson McAuley is a Fat Ass – Tales of Ass Kickery

Yeah so I found out the link to the demo of Sombra was a broken one and fixed that so go download it now if you were trying to earlier. I love how there were some people who tried to download it and reached the 404 page and didn’t bother to drop me a line on the contact us page.

Sombra: Shivrahn’s Awakening – Programs

Oh my god this is horrible, the most tragic thing that’s ever happened to me. Click on the link below to find out what happened.

Jewtube – Tales of Ass Kickery

So I’ve been a little lax on doing music lately, must just be one of those humps people have every once in a while where they don’t have inspiration or some shit. In the mean time, I posted a story I meant to put in the Colonel Sanders article of Tales of Ass Kickery but subsequently lost on my hard drive. Well now here it is, available for you to read for the lulz or whatever the fuck you read my bullshit for.

The Torment of Greg – Tales of Ass Kickery